Tuesday, April 01, 2008

My Confession

So I have got wat i deserved ..loneliness

so this is wat I did to her......

I started the whole relationship wid her by faking my emotions..my love for her ... dat I found her a tough to get and I used up all my tricks to get her love me...jus to win her..

but wen she started loving me...everything changed..i fell for her..i started loving her like anything...my morning never started if she dint call..I loved her like anything...I grew up a wall around me so that she gets protected from the real me and I can bury my real self..
she promised me to leave her family for me too..

but den one day .. day which was very special for me..she succumbed to her family pressure about deleting me outta her life..and she told me..i cant be wid u anemore..
she was silent for two days..den she started the courtesy calls..and den she too realised dat it was hard for her to leave me...

but these days of love silence had broken those wall..I started feeling insecure about her..I was going to take a vital decision and I found myself unsure dat if I proceed further in this ..may be one day wen i will be in no point of return..she might succumbed to her family again..and I wud be left alone..my real me started kicking out..telling me everytime dat i faked the start wid her..one day she will kno and she will leave me forever..it's better to take her out ur life..my all those violent urges returned back..i started getting afraid of the term love and my real me started to make this love dissapear..I needed to tell her the truth..becoz she was such a nice girl..she dint deserved to be dumped ...like I dumped many and got dumped due to dis...so I needed to put my real self to her..dat the whole relation was based on lies..
So I told her all that....

she then asked me
"how cud u do dis to me.."?

she was right..and I dint had any answer..I told her dat i dont know..I never took rejection well..
and she said.." but I loved u "
and I found myself staring at the horrible picture dat she had in her eyes..

I am shit a gross piece of shit....
but cant do it anemore..I jus felt at that moment how important she was for me...and how badly I want her back in my life..but I know things wont never be the same again. so I cried I cried and I cried and i decided and asked her to go out of my life so that she never gets anething worser than dis..
I left her...and i left my soul wid her..now I feel myself jus like a fucking moron...but i feel confortable to let out the truth..may be dis is my remorse ..may be this will be my salvation.. to let u all know..how ugly one can be and how good one can pretend to be...I so messed up rite now..

Curse me ...abuse me..

But believe me she was an innocent victim of my real self..an ugly monster..whom I just want to finish forever...
She is an angel and really don't deserve a monster like me...so it's better I stay away for now or may be forever...

This is my probably my last post....and I wanted to clear one thing that..wat I did to her is unforgivable and she was and she is... jus perfect....

love n luck to u all....

50 comments:

  1. i am no t abusing or cursing u amn... it takes guts to come out to confess something like that... thts t something that everyone can do...

    Abhi whats gone is gone..I really dunno that i i sould comment on this or not..cause after all m just a vrtual buddy that has known u for like last 6-7 days thts it right..?? but since u have nt disabled comments i think i should say all this.. it has all happend for the goodd
    imagin urslef still with her ... without her family asking her to leave u..would u able to live with her with ur double personalty??? no i could not..n i dnt think u would...lonliness aayi hai.taki koi aur use bahre... it may be anything..aother girl..another passion... anything...

    many ppl do what u have done..ur normal..congrats..but not all confess doing it... congrts ur ur special... and not all have the guts to accept that they are wrong n tell the person concerend all of that.... she was going anyway..n u sent her back wit the truth no the falsehood... u have done urslef a big favour my friend... believe me...

    ii hope the above makes sum sense to u..:-)..take care buddy

    as for ur lst post..u fucker...u forgot the daru party u were gonna give me or what... u better be online..take a break if u will but dnt quit... cheerz mate... hope for the best...

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  2. Sourish I hv to agree with Samby. It takes MORE guts to confess...to tell her how u truly felt. If u didnt tell her now, and just pretended u wanted to be with her, that wud be really misleading.

    So u did the right thing by her and by urself. It may hurt alot right now, but TIME heals all wounds. And some day u'd look bak and think that u did the right thing by both of u. Take it easy mate.


    *HUGZ*

    Keshi.

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. And with Samby n Sourish right ON TOP of me, I cant seem to concentrate!

    Keshi.

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  5. keshi :)

    may be...time will heal it..
    let's c wat will happen...I jus don kno abt the guts..but it truly felt good letting out all those things

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  6. n keshiiiiiii
    wow excelllent choice of words :P

    But Ahhh
    i m feeling jealous :P..
    i got the deleted comment too ....
    u left me alone for this army boy ...
    grrrr
    lol

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  7. araam se reh...pareshaan mat ho....

    Right now, you need to make her feel alright...

    blogging mat chhodna...

    hugz!

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  8. pata nhi di..
    things are not dat good..
    now lets c how things go further..
    but m ok :)

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  9. samby......

    daroo toh anetime aake pee lena bhai..
    dont u have to worry for that :P

    ReplyDelete
  10. @ sourish...kya ustad... mai sabse pehle comment kia aur mere ko last me lreply..kya hai yeh bhai..na insafi hai boss

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  11. lol
    samby...ek reply tha tere liye ..the second most...
    but someone wanted to be below u :P
    so i gave her the space and the reply was nt suited too...so :P
    chill man :P
    darrooo main sabke saath nhi peeta...so u r lucky :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. i seriously m unable to understand wat went wrong in the whole situation..

    just take care bhaiya

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  13. asha ..
    sumthing was not always rite..its jus that it was lil late wen i felt it dat m not one for her...
    it's kinky..but yeah dis is life...nobody gets everything :)
    glad u dropped by...

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  14. mam
    how I wish dat is true...but it was good confessing..she loves me more dan ever now..but she wants time..so I gave her a lot of time..

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  15. Hi sourish

    I am sorry. Take heart. Kay Sera Sera. I am telling this becuse of the experiences gained from my life and believe me I ahve gone through a lot of grinding mill. These hurt you for a while but then make you a stronger human being
    My best wishes to you

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  16. mam

    i trust u on this..may be things will sort out eventually and may be itsfor my own good ..but thoda sa dard toh hota hai na
    pata hai mam sabse achhi baat kya hai...its dat kisi ne mera saath nhi chhora...dats y i adore all so much..
    thanks for the wishes :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. if it's thegod's will..den kya kar sakte hai :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. you cant stop bloggin! its great that u confessing! mentioned u in my post, the 1 b4 my newest 1!

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  19. yes its good to confess..thats why I love blogging...takes a load off.


    **u left me alone for this army boy ...

    LOL! And knowing abt Army boys, I can only pray for ya Sourish. lolz!

    Keshi.

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  20. niyara...
    i will jus take a break....for few days or so..and it was so sweet of you to mention me in ur blog :P

    ReplyDelete
  21. u praying for me..it;s good :-s

    but wats its relation wid army boys :-s

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dude...like everyone has already said it before. It does take a lotta guts to confess something like that..here and to her too.
    You already started the hike.
    No worries. Things will be ok.
    Dont they always do ?
    I'm glad atleast you managed to be true to her and confided in all of us.
    Yes we are homies on this virtual world, but we are with you. Dont quit blogging. You know how much you love it. And you also know how ,much we all love you being around.
    Shit happens ! But so what ?
    Time is the greatest healer.
    Trust me !

    Take care.

    *hugs buddy*

    ReplyDelete
  23. cindy...

    i believe in time..I kno it will heal up...but she hasnt taken it that well...and fst time in my life i repent for speaking the harsh truth..

    will take a short break..not so long..but m not able to write anything new...i tried i failed..but will be around commenting on blogs

    thanks for the support...
    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  24. woh kya bolte hain hindi movies mein "pyaar ki jeet" and all that shit. You confessed to her, that takes guts, man, not everyone has that. Abhi I guess she is in shock (aisa kya bol diya be usko?), but eventually "sachhe pyaar ki jeet hogi". Aa jayegi waapis. And you...if you think your "true self" is not a "good self", then its good that you have realized that, abhi try to be good. Not for her sake, but for your own sake.

    Cheerz! You and Samby are always welcome to my adda (see the end of my ABCD post!)

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  25. aneri ki masi ji :)
    wo thoda confused hai par i have this wat she hates the most..its my aggression..I had therapies par koi fark nhi pada ..pehle toh mujhe uss therapist ko pakad k maarne ko mann karta tha ..baad mein i used to pretend well nd chhutti ho jati thi..but i kno myself that m aggressive nd i dont want her to get hurt..nd she reaaly fears the aggression..ik baar daanta thas toh sdarkar kaampner lagi thi...

    so how can i do that to her..
    nd kuchh cheeze inherent hai ..nhi sudheregi.. :|

    adda
    ruko check karta hoon :P
    heartbrokens ka adda hai kya??

    ReplyDelete
  26. I maintain my stand ke you CAN change if you WANT to. Control karna seekho, shuru mein thoda difficult lagega, but eventually it will become who you are. I was like that too, bahut zyaada gussa aata tha, and would say hurtful things. Later someone suggested this very simple thing.

    Write down some common things that aggravate you. Thin about how you would LIKE to react to them. And if you do this often enough, you will react the way you want to! Try karo. Again, its not for her sake, its for you!

    NO, there is nothing like, I don't know how else to behave, you know, you just take the easy way out and do what comes to your mind first, which is aggressiveness.

    Adda heartbrokens ke liye nahi hai, partying ke liye hai :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Aneri ki masi...
    aapka suggestion achha hai chalo kar ke dekhta hoon..but wo lost case hote hai na..m like a lost case wo nut cases type ke... :P
    par pakka aapne jo kaha hai wo bhi karoonga...

    pardyyy :O
    kabhi hai :O?? mekko pardyy kiye hue mahine bit gye :(


    waise aapka naam kya hai???

    ReplyDelete
  28. lost case koi nahi hota hai pata hai na? Jisne mujhe yeh baat sikhai, usko maine bhi yehi bola tha, that "I cannot control my anger". And he said, no, you "have not been able to control it so far". That does not mean thats how it will always be. And he is right! Baat achhe se meri samajh mein aa gai, and it changed my behavior drastically, overnight for some things, actually! If you keep saying you cannot, then you will not. If you say it is possible, only then it is possible.

    Life is a party, join me anytime :)

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  29. kashmira

    thanx ..I will keep ur words in my mind..and I kno myself ..m so stubborn..but defn keep ur suggestion in my mind...

    life is a party :O
    daroo party hai ya normal wali
    chicken shicken milega na???

    ReplyDelete
  30. you are very stubborn, meaning? That you won't change? Stubborn ka ek matlab yeh bhi hota hai ke ek baar jo thaan lee, woh kar ke rahenge. So improve hone ki thaan lo, ho jayega sab thik :)

    party mein jo maango milega, i mean khaane-peene ko :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. kashmira

    wo than lena abhi toh nhi hoga...bahut saari problems hai saath saath..sab solve ho jaye toh kuch socha bhi jaye :)

    haan of course khane pine ki hi cheez maang raha tha :P
    don wrry

    ReplyDelete
  32. oye chillax yaar, well may be this is how it was meant to be betn the two of u. N its all for good mate, u wudnt realise it now but am sure later u will. Am sure it will make u a stronger person. N time will heal it all, so chillax mate, there is a way out for eveything. take care....

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  33. Anvita :P
    lol

    tum inne senti comment dete thik nhi lagti chocklaty girl :P

    dekhte hai bhagwan ne kya store kar rakha hai :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. oye wat senti, I was just talking from my personal experience yaar, aur by the way bhagwan ne kuch accha hi store karke rakha hai sab ke liye, usmein tum bhi shamil ho.

    N wats chocolatey got to do with senti eh?

    N thanks for inaugarating my cbox hehe

    ReplyDelete
  35. choklaties are always supposed to de he he :P

    achha baba ..bhagwan ne achha store kiya hai ..wats wrong in believing :)

    nd about the cbox
    no mention please :P i love doing that :P

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  36. I must say, I would give you some credits for having the guts to confess... takes a lot of guts to do that, man!! but what's done is done... yeah, trust is easy to destroy but hard to build... Good luck!!!

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  37. diva

    trust is like a glass..if u break it..it wont ever join widout leaving a scar

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  38. I won't give any 'gyaan', rather I'd just say:

    Chalo aaj phir khushi hui, hum akele nahi marwa rahen hain. :)

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  39. oh i miss your birthday... i hope it was great.. happy belated birthday.. im an aries baby too.. my birthday was last thursday.. :P and about my recent trip to Europe, it was really enjoyable... no regrets...

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  40. I missed yaz tooo...so we even :P
    will celebrate one day together..u gimme a treat i will give u one :P

    happy bday belated diva

    m glad ur eurotrip was grt

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  41. hey that was sad man.......

    but somethimhs are not in our hands.....
    so chill......and njoy

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  42. nirmal :)

    okie dokie...

    I wil stay cool . chilled ;)

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  43. saluting you for the confession. then, if the destiny favours you she will come back..

    otherwise, well i assure you that after a couple of years all these will be good memories for you.. and if willing you can write a blog on 'memoirs of Sourish'

    I will pray for u mate..

    Cheers
    ~Al

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  44. Alameen :)

    thank u bro...
    memoirs of sourish..sounded like memoirs of geisha ;))

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  45. huh!!

    not geisha... I was hinting at my blog name :)

    hehe

    ReplyDelete

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