Friday, March 23, 2007

Return to innocence.......

Exactly one year passed today.... of my high speed virtual life..

where I lived da moments so wonderfully dat no 1 can imagine... I still remember my beginning days... :D
I was logged in yahoo messenger with available status...wid all alerts on..wenever anybody logs in and here I m notified...and i buzzed him..yeah dis is exactly da day where i learnt to buzz

ctrl G ..

one of my senior told me about da buzz... yeah pretty part was dat it was den him no her..lolz i was such a looser dere..even dose hims were so buzy..and with 4 or 5 say..

"gotta go..
C ya laterz..

I loved da part gotta was so hollywood style...but wasnt able to apprehend wat da hell dis tc means..

I knew one TC ..dat it's transfer certificate..of my Kendriya Vidyalaya..and i was quite accustomed to it ..thanks to my Dad's transferable job..i had neva one frnd dat i can say my childhood buddy..except one..but she is like my kid...and studying medical nowadays..and i m seldom in touch and dats another stowie...

let me get to write wat I was writing...
So I searched da "tc" in Google search..dere in da top it came.. take care..OH god! dis guy in real hated me so muz and in internet he is saying me tc! and dere i was exposed to da very unreal side of da virtual life dat we c bac every1 and say tc to all :D

Yeah den dere is such a long wait...and I was seating in da chair for sum1 to talk wid..and no1 was free... :( ..and soon no1 was dere logged in..den i came to know dere is a thing called invisible log in..lolz I learnt one more thing and wondered will I be ever able to use dis..:D...


dere comes dis cute gal in my life thanx to orkut...

Ohk! I confess dat she agreed to be my frnd only wen i wrote committed in it isnt really my achhievement dat i befriended a gal...but i confessed to her..dat m not committed
Thank god ! she dint scared away..and i found dis lonely gal..who needed sum1 to console..and she was not over wid sum1 whoo jus left her..god and shaista knows wat reason..but i felt her crying and in deep pain for him..she was my lovelimost frnd...and we talked real lot..within 3 days i was addicted to her and she was addicted to (dats wat she said)...but in real she was replying so late..den also pretty fast...and she used to blame on da speed of her stupid net...yet she was dere all the time..den i came to know dat its dat she has few more frnds she was simultanously talking..and dere i learnt to lie...lie for letting sum1 feel good and special is aint a crime....and all i was sad and irritated of her new frnds...and soon my possesiveness was mistaken for love and dere she went away coz she had sum1 in her life..(even she was not his gf anymore)...poor me ....and so sad she dint got dat my possisiveness for her is aint lov but my loneliness and desperation dat i need sum1 to call her my exclusive..
.... and honestly i still miss her... :-)

Dere comes Amber...

yeah I loved her really very much..even against her all odds..I loved her almost like a loved my life and my family...and we got along very well..and by dis time..Sourish Karmakar..was well established name in orkut communities.... And dere i found th urge of talking to may more dan love to amber..dough i continued giving her exclusivity and she gave me mine...but soon I was surrounded by a hell lot of new pictures..yeah DP (display pictures) in orkut and my scrap count rised like 300-500 per day and dere came da differences between me and my love..she was all worried about my new playboy status..and i was addicted to dis status..but honestly I cared for all dose DPs in orkut..and was helping dem in dere emotional i was quitta popular too...

Once again i moved to as to avoid orkut and Amber's suspicions..and soon da list went on so long dat I had to sign in invisible


I signed invisible.... :D

and I was quite proud dat if i sign visible ..I m hell late to answer i started selecting gud frnds ..bes frnds... frnds..and dere I was hell bz..typing and my type speed increased a lot :D and sooner i lost amber due to lots of misunderstanding coupled wid her few lies..and I lost Nawaal too...

Yeah Nawaal my best frnd den...wid whom i used to talk whole day and she used to talk wid me whole day...xclusive real xclusive( we set one record of 9 am to 5 am) and i lost her coz she was real frnd of amber....and sumtime i feel so lonely widout her...coz i loved to be wid her coz she was angel in my life.she soothed my all pains and neva shouted on me...and she was so gud...but wat to do .... :-|
still my list was hell long...and i neva understood dat loosing her will be so much pain

Den dere was dis lovely son

she cheered me a lot..helped me to understand how lovely parenthood can be..and how sweet kids can be...our relation is still so strong..but she got to kno dat m sick..(in da sense of mentality) and she is one da verge of leaving me forever..may be already left me..coz she was online today..yet she dint talked to me..nor she left any message..she hates my all jokes wid which she once get cheered up..she gets irritated wid my presence and wid sense of guilt..and she is leaving or may be she left ..for her gud of hers and I m letting her..coz she gave anough joy to me enough to fill dis life's quota..and m letting her ( may be i lost da right to say m letting..coz i don think it affects her much...).. to live her own life happily... :)

Dere is dis gal who named her sarAAh..and she still holds her name..and very much in my life...dough discrepencies are dere and our differences are getting so stronger dat it will one day kill our relation (watever dat is left)..sarah became my sole confider..i used to confide everything to her..and soon things worsened up due to my confessions...coz she cant ever help herself to believe me..and nowadayswe keep ourslef bz holding on to shreds of our relations...

Slowly invisibilty in messnegers made da proverb true "outta sight outta mind"

So soon all my frnds got tired to buzz me up and wen my last buddy sarah is leaving...I m all alone..back to available staus in messengers ...

lolz!! m kidding!!
I neva sign in nowadays..coz i don like da feeling of being alone..and m dead afraid to sign in m not still ready to accept dat no1 will talk to me..and I don blame den..I blame myself.... i selected frnds whom to talk and whom not to talk.. And here I am all alone..c jus 1 year passed and m all back to my innocence( the start of net life) wid dis song of enigma in my mind

"Return to innocence"

And soon I m afraid dat I will return back completely to my non internet life...
believe me it will be real soon..but as if any1 carez ....

take care ( TC)

Sourish Karmakar

Monday, March 19, 2007

feeling so awful

Few months back ..I used to think..y ppl used to go on drugs
I got so beautiful life den dat i thot ki da best euphoria is to get along wid ur beautiful life

Rite now m looking at da needle and while disinfecting wid brandy...I m feeling ..i dont kno..wat m feeling but i need it now
I feel its da best.....feeling so awful dat m goin to inject it after 5 months of wait ,thinking things wud go gud...,but...
now i don like to discontinue it..

Gudnite and sweetdreamz

The Blower's Daughter

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Few days

Few days back everything was so normal and so gud but now things are fast changing.....

Today only we talked so well and now she is saying
baat karne ka mann hoga toh aa jaoongi..yeah i fink its ok ..if she doesnt want to talk and she is here speaking in her formal language..i fink she better not come dat time coz it will spoil our relation more dan doing any good goes on
Every body gotta life and and dere own time to think about it..and its easing me a lot to say da final gudbye...

take care

Some people who are still missing in my blog

There are lots of people whom I never mentioned in the blog..though dey felt insignificant but when m saying a gudbye....dey are the most hard to deal wid..coz dey had no expectations from me..dey give my their attention to me..and wen I sadi gudbye ..dey just smiled and said we are here for u wen u wil return

Tanima aka Tani
She is one of rare wonderful girl, u cud ever met...she has a history..and da practice of profile deletion ..i learnt from her only..she is a nice gal aged same as me..matured..ill tempered but sweet to talk wid and always bubbling wid joy..her life's full of pain..but like me everytime i learnt dat she is seeing sum1 ...lolz and wenever i ask her abt her love life..her answer is not for me. She neva forgot me to add up nor she eva forgot to stop me wen i go on a leave..she has got wonderful ability to be wid all and every1 thinks she is jus for dem..

A bubbling gal..who is in such a pain dat u cant imagine..a perfect moral support for me..she is wonderful gal ..always helpo me to stay calm..helped me a lot in easing tension wid baneen...she is always supportive and helps me to understand wat a girl cud ask for and how to procure dat..she has a long stowie behind her...and she has always dis habit of helping me and i was neva dere in time of her need...she is da lovely gal to be wid and i pray to god dat plz help her easing her pain and give her a new hope to survive

list goes one

but rite now urge for brkfast is more..will continue it laters

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