Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The Dead End

It's now 4AM and m still aint sleepy..thx to massive dose of puffs and smoke...Last few days I was in I hadn't smoked a single I thot that this time I will defn quit smoking for sure...but fate had different plans...and in last few hours I really puffed a lot....and a lot is a real lot coz if a smoker like me says it a lot..then it is one...thought of puffing weeds too..but thx to Monsoon and my carelessness ..I hadn't wrapped the wrappers wen I opened the wraps to make the joint..I found it all under white sheets of molds :P..I fink the fungi must had enjoyed a lot gorging on my weed

So coming to the point...the turn I was talking abt in my notice actually proved itself as the Dead end...I was on vacation for last 16 days and she gave a good thought abt our relationship in the mean time..and found the conclusion that we will not be happy together coz of the following reasons:

1) I don't venture outta my secured circle which is very unlike her. In short..I don't take any risks in my she is afraid that I won't let her work and think independently and will not allow her to try out new career ventures..
May be she is right in this point..after all I am a middle class guy who wants his wife to be home even if she works, at the end of the day, near him so that wen he comes back from the office he can feel her presence in the home rather than leaving her messages on fone to call back wenever she comes back home from work in any other city...and she is the one who wants to see the horizon not from far but from the horizon itself...
Guess wat..I did gave it a thot wen she cleared her MBA entrance that since m gonna get a PhD degree.. i will settle wid her wherever she gets a good job even if it means that I had to teach in any private college or teach kids tuitions...but I don't think so that she will take this risk....
My Mom and my frnds always told me that I wud be the best husband one can ever get...but I don't think she has the same opinion...may be because I told her one day that after marriage wateva money she will earn.... it will be our money not she will have to to take mutual consent before spending money even if she is helping her parents..may be I was wrong there in thonking that the family we will have shud hav the highest that money can be well planned and spent on our family which will have her and my parents as members....

2) she has a cousin bro whom she is very close and some how he don' like me..this was the reason wen she dumped me for the fst time in February that her brother disapproved this relationship coz she never told it to her he took it as betrayal and she wanted to correct the situation by dumping ,e..still I never ever remembered saying that he will not be a part of our family..but she is scared that I might change my opinion and will not let her meet her bro ever... after the marriage...and she clearly told me today that she won't marry anyone including me if he comes between their relation...she must be right here too coz I remembered saying to her that after the marriage I shud be her fst priority not her brother but that sentence never finished like...her brother shud mind his own business or she shud stay away from him...

3) Since I took up this break up episode lightly and actually switched to a topic that where to get loans for her MBA..she thinks that I don't have any seriousness in this relationship and we actually crib a lot and she don't want that I make any compromises for running the relation smoothly.. thx to 'Mills n Boon' ..she has this opinion that in any relationship where two people who come from two different circles and status ( She is a Delhite and from a quite upper class and me a small town boy who grew up with middle class values) don't make any compromises rather they just incorporate the changes widout any adjustment like in some fantasy lands of those books..May be she is right here too coz after all m a middle class boy who never got to touch those books coz they were unnecessary financial burdens and my family thot it wud be best if I read text books instead I feel like reading them so that I can understand how two person stay together widout making any compromises..

It's not like I dint tried to stop her from dumping me.. In actual, I was in all tears while she was saying those I was scared of loosing her...
But she was quite wen I asked her is it means that she is not ready for commitment ..In reply she said that from my words she got.... for me commitment means getting a robot not a wife who will obey all my commands not even listening to my explanation of commitment which means facing all the troubles together...
and then her tone got quite harsh and if the grudge was stored from a long unable to bear more ..I told her...

Let's not fight...Motion's passed..her points are justified... I will back up her decision of quitting the relationship which we nurtured together for two years thinking that we wud stay together happily ever after...

But I don't blame her..coz after all commitment is a mutual decision and I shud respect her opinion coz at the end of the day it is her who wud have to face an unworthy, insensitive and intolerable husband like me....and i really appreciate that she actually waited for my return to say it, rather than spoiling my picture perfect vacation...which I will detail you soon... abt the time I spent with my mom and dad..

And also for a change this time I will not quit will stay in touch wid you all..

It's now 6:05 AM and am still not I guess it's time to go for a bike ride and the icing on the cake is the beautiful downpour that's continuing outside synchronous with my least I won't have to hide my tears then...

Love n carez


  1. Hey there! I am so sorry your relationship did not work out! I hate break ups!

    I did not even know you were in a relationship, you are very mysterious. I hope and pray that everything works out for you. I am also glad that you had a great tho on your vacation.

    The rain!!! Ahhhhhhhh I used to find myself there all the time.... So soothing and needed when the water works aka Tears just seem not to turn off at all.. Been there many times!

    I hope all works out and be careful in the rain while riding your bike! And ummmmmm I hope you get to feeling better from your breakup, glad you found out now instead of later. Being on the same page is hard when it comes to relationships. Your happiness is coming just sit back and wait!!


  2. I agree with Ne. U r mysterious! Even I wasnt very sure if u had a serious GF or not. Ur always quite vague abt it. :)

    but Im sorry things didnt work out. Breakups r so very hard. It took me a long time to smile, after my last major breakup.

    **may be because I told her one day that after marriage wateva money she will earn.... it will be our money not hers

    I dunno abt u, but I dun u'stand how MONEY comes into the picture. I know that a serious r'ship is not only abt Love. But should Money/Career matter to that Love?

    Isnt a r'ship abt 2 individuals w.o. having to CHANGE who they r or to make em SACRIFICE their dreams to be able to make the other happy? Isnt it abt appreciating one another for who they r?

    Abt her cuzn bro...mebbe she should marry him then! Sorry, I didnt mean to insult u bro, but 3 is a bit crowded!

    **rather they just incorporate the changes widout any adjustment like in some fantasy lands of those books

    she's not in a dreamland! Alot of HAPPY couples r like that. So many of my happily married friends do COMPROMISE here n there. Its not abt just ADJUSTING to anything that ur partner demands, its abt letting the other person not lose their Identity. Tho as a couple u hv to work together, it doesnt mean giving up on being who u were before. Ur dreams and hopes still remain.

    ** for me commitment means getting a robot not a wife who will obey all my commands not even listening to my explanation of commitment which means facing all the troubles together...

    so is that how YOU really think abt it? or is it something she's labelling u as?

    Whatever it is, I don't think YOU are ready for Committment bro. Cos from what I see, ur still very much 'single'.



  3. i am sorry things didnt work out :(
    But you know i feel she has had too many fears while she should have believed that you guys could work it out together :)

  4. This isnt the end of the world dear, love is a part of life not the heart of it. It takes much much to keep it beating other than just love.

    And waise bhi, I firmly believe, if you love someone let him go, if its your it will come back, n if it doesnt then it was never yours.

    Also, we all deserve love bud, and so shall we get.

    Sunny days will be back again.
    Keep that chin up.

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  6. My heart goes out to you. Obviously, love alone is not enough to make a lasting relationship... nway, dont worry to much, bcoz when God closes one door, somewhere, somehow He always opens a window.

    I think, after putting so much energy into someone, it's time to shift your thinking and give that love and attention to yourself again. be strong!

  7. :O :O :O ye sab kyaa ho ra hai...i didnt kneww dis would happen yaar ye sab kyaa hai kyaa chal raha hai n sach mein sara ne ye sab bola tujhse i cant believe it yaar how coould she can she be sooo damn mean to u :O:O:O i neva thought she would do dis ... omg...aur uski sataki gayi hai she was neva like dis....neways tu aapna khayal rakhiyoo n gt chance to b ol gotta talk to u !!

  8. Cinderella thik boli. Its not the end of life. It seems there are a lot of misunderstandings caused because of the way you two communicate. You are saying X and she is understanding Y. And sorry to say this, but try as you may, this is not easy, or even completely possible to fix. Wavelength hi alag lag rahi hai dono ki.

    Mourn as much as you need to, but only as much as is needed. Zyaada brooding nahi karne ki life bhar. OK?

  9. Nehya...

    Yeah! I hate brk ups very much and I had seen so many that now m habituated :-|

    I did not even know you were in a relationship, you are very mysterious.
    Guess wat she also thot the same ...that's wat the point 3 was :-(

    Your happiness is coming just sit back and wait!!
    Me too praying for the same :-|

  10. Sissyyyy

    I dunno abt u, but I dun u'stand how MONEY comes into the picture. I know that a serious r'ship is not only abt Love. But should Money/Career matter to that Love?

    There are things beyond love which do come in picture wen in a relationship..and money handling is an important one for a small payscale family..u kno there is one saying..
    Wen hunger bangs the doors the love goes out from the window.

    Isnt a r'ship abt 2 individuals w.o. having to CHANGE who they r or to make em SACRIFICE their dreams to be able to make the other happy? Isnt it abt appreciating one another for who they r?
    Dese are lines of the love fantasies sissyy..wen two person stays together u need to compromise on ur dreams if it hinders the other's dream..dat's wat real love is..that u r ready to sacrifice anyfink for it..otherwise u may stay together but not under one roof..

    Abt her cuzn bro...mebbe she should marry him then! Sorry, I didnt mean to insult u bro, but 3 is a bit crowded

    Naah it ain't like thast..I do respect their relationship a lot ..he was dere from the time I was not in her life as a guide mentor and as a strength to her as he treated her like his own lil daughter so she is scared I understand but 'why' is the term I don't understand...

    Abt the robot stuff..though she labelled me can I deny I havn't been married..I want my wife to be near me always...if this is asking too much then why marry?

    I jus dn kno.. I was very serious abt this relationship this time but if she can't see that may be I m very mysterious..more better lame that I can't show my love properly..


  11. Lena

    I tried to make her understand but may be I failed to win her trust :(

  12. Cindy :)

    tum log sab kinne cute cute sochte ho...chalo lets try it out too..chhor to wo di hi hai..par uska dil todna aur phir jodna..ab I can't take it anemore..
    even the elastic most things have a breaking point ...
    par as u say..I will defn wait for the good time..
    btw ur new DP looks soo cute reminded me of chinkis of jackie chan movies...hehehe..

    jus kidding..
    u r looking stunningly beautiful :)
    May ur life stays as beautiful as u r :)

  13. Diva...
    This time I m strong..coz I was prepared for this jolt..but it hurts aneway.. :-|
    I do pray for the same..that god might had left me an open window..

    How r you??It's been long..where u been ??

  14. Vidhi..

    chhorna mein feeling secured hi important hota hai..if she is not feeling can she commit herself..hai na?? m not blaming her...mai do baar online hua tha..opar tera status tha ki u r maine socha disturb na karoo :)

  15. Kash di..

    May be yehi case hai..yehi wo bhi boli ki we r not alike in any single point :-|

    yeah jyada crib nhi kar raha par halka dard toh hai...being dumped thoda tough to accept hai.. :-|

  16. so u know better Bro. :) Plz apply those things into ur Love life then. Cos I dont see u hv?


  17. hmmm...
    its better to take a bitter pill once rather then suffering whole life

    chalo koi nahi.. ek khamba daru lao... 2 pack navy cut.. 50Rs ki weed.. sab tension gayab ho jayega

  18. I know yaar, par abhi koi ek cheez par jo tere paas rehna hi nahi chahti, uspar sar phodega kya ? No way !!

    Ek hi zindagi mili hai, ab use bi raddii mein daalna hai kya ?!!

    And thnx for the sweet words, I know I look like a chinki in that, thats coz I have very small eyes and that is why I dont resemble neither of my parents...some remote resemblane to !!!

    Tu bata...tera net thik ho gaya kya ? OL kab aayega ?

  19. Rofl !! LOok at my pic in the thumbnail toh..yahan toh aankhe hi nahi hain....hahahahaha.....

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  21. yaar aise thodi naa chalta hai :( dis is not done didnt expect dis frm her :| u knwww i knwww her soo well u knww how close i was wid her tooo mujhe toh yakeen hi ni ho ra!!:-??

    anyways woh studying ka board tumhare liye nahi lagaya hai...soo even if u see dat doo msg me if i am not idle ..coz agar i am idle den prolly m sleeping lol!!! actully msg wateva it izz if i would b der i will defi reply u or i would call u up but u need to temme da time yaar i dun want ur ph to b switched off or ne other reason....when i call :( which happens everytime!! and doo take care of ur self n for gawd's sake plzz atleast tryna reduce smokin!!! :|

  22. hellooo bhaiya,
    Glad to see u bck bro LOL!
    ummm....sorry shouldn't be laughing...sorry!!! Am really glad 2day so this reaction but now I'm bck into control...

    My sincere sympathies with u but I thnk whatever happend, happend fr the best!!

  23. nothing much actually.. went to singapore last weekend since it's Great Singapore Sale time... :D

  24. Hey, how are you doing? Just dropping by to check on ya!!!


  25. and u didnt even reply to my email sent abt 5 days ago. But thats ok.


  26. gosh someone's so expensive these days.


  27. Keshi...sissy

    Nuffin frnds the I m the cheapest person ever available in the mankind
    coz I sumtime get dirty beyond imagination...
    Actually m little tired..tired of blogging..though I keep reading them..but I actually dint wanted to comment...
    rest all is perfecto perfect...
    yeap got ya mail and I replied too but I fink may be because of my net was not there in ur mail box...
    but life'z not the same from me..I actually got more matured in a short span of m not able to live up with the shock of it... :)
    so staying a lil away...deeply engrossed in my inner self...

  28. CIndy bhindy

    sar nhi phod raha hoon par yaar really ension mein hoon..inni saari ladkiyan meri life se bhag kiun jaa rahi hai :O
    and I will forever keep this cute Dp in my comment page...sho shweeeet...ek dum forbidden kingdom ki heroini jaise cute hai :P

    aur bata kaisi hai???

  29. abhishek...

    daroo mein toh dooba hua hoon..har alternate days mein hi fultoo tunn hota hoon... :P

    aur aajkal nashe mein toh bahut ganda bad badate hoon...kal ek party mein sabki pakad k maari hai...saare chup they and main hi bol rah atha ki kaun kitna kamina hai..subah bahut laat padi :P

  30. vidhi

    yaar bathroom gya tha jab tera fone aaya tha...

    meri life toh humesha mess hi tu apni bataya kar :)
    aur bata teri life kaisi hai??

  31. Meghna.
    I understand beta ki aap bahut khush ho mujhe dekhhkar and sad bhi ho :P
    so no worries kid :)

    koi nhi hota hai..mails n net can be deceptive sometime :P

  32. Ne...

    happy birthday :)
    I wish that I had been there at 0000 to give u a big bump and a warm hug..
    may god bless you with all the happiness u ever desire for :)

    love n carez

  33. diva

    kool then u must had a wonderful time and loads of bagful of things :P

  34. read thru the post and then thru the comments...

    just chill man...jab waqt aayega sab thik ho jayega...

    if there are so many issues - it is better that you end on a good not now rather than singing unchained melodies for life...

    hope you are better...and aasu chupana hai to shower ke neeche khade reh jana - dont wait for the rains :P

  35. sourish,
    my my my....this really makes me feel sad, some honest feelings haan, love hurts big time,it will be hard to move on, but eventually u will, all i'll say is, be brave n strong :DD, do things that you usually like doing, keep yourself occupied.
    Have a rocking sunday=)

  36. ceedy bhai..

    yeah i m giving a thot on it too...

    naseeb par sab chhor rakha hai

    waise bhai hostel mein shower nhi hai..balti se nahana hota hai :P so rain's better upar se abhi monsoon full bloom par sab kuch kool hai :P

  37. Aqua gurl...

    yeap behaving brave n strong and making myself occupied too aaj poori raat soya nhi and subah ghat chala gya..

    and then came back aans slept like a log..jus woke up :P

  38. chalo thik hai...

    balti sahi...and glad baldi bhar ke nahi ro rahe ho...

    and yes rains are great...i got wet two three times here too last month....

    well hope everything works out...if i were you i would concentrate on finishing the never know what opportunities you might get once you finish and might have to move...then it will be another problem solving reln issues....just sharing some experience :)

  39. bhai...

    I understood wat u wanted to say..aur aapki baat sahi bhi hai..par yeh dil hai k maanta nhi...:)

    phd k bad opportunities..aapke muunh mein ghee shakkar :P

  40. you know i am a gujju...:P

    ghee aur shakkar...:)

    and yes I know dil hai ke maanta nahi but also kabhi kabhi achanak kuck kuch hota hai ;)

  41. bhai mere sath jab bhi kuch kuch hua hai ...ladki humesha yehi keh ke nikal jati hai that "u deserve better :P"

    so koi pat ti hai toh dil use chhorta hi nhi :P

  42. well Im glad it it all made u more mature :) HUGS!

    Take it easy man!



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