feeling so awful

Few months back ..I used to think..y ppl used to go on drugs
I got so beautiful life den dat i thot ki da best euphoria is to get along wid ur beautiful life

now
......
Rite now m looking at da needle and while disinfecting wid brandy...I m feeling ..i dont kno..wat m feeling but i need it now
I feel its da best.....feeling so awful dat m goin to inject it after 5 months of wait ,thinking things wud go gud...,but...
now i don like to discontinue it..





Gudnite and sweetdreamz

The Blower's Daughter

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Few days

Few days back everything was so normal and so gud but now things are fast changing.....


Today only we talked so well and now she is saying
Ok
baat karne ka mann hoga toh aa jaoongi..yeah i fink its ok ..if she doesnt want to talk and she is here speaking in her formal language..i fink she better not come dat time coz it will spoil our relation more dan doing any good

Aneways..life goes on
Every body gotta life and and dere own time to think about it..and its easing me a lot to say da final gudbye...

take care

Some people who are still missing in my blog

There are lots of people whom I never mentioned in the blog..though dey felt insignificant but when m saying a gudbye....dey are the most hard to deal wid..coz dey had no expectations from me..dey give my their attention to me..and wen I sadi gudbye ..dey just smiled and said we are here for u wen u wil return

Tanima aka Tani
She is one of rare wonderful girl, u cud ever met...she has a history..and da practice of profile deletion ..i learnt from her only..she is a nice gal aged same as me..matured..ill tempered but sweet to talk wid and always bubbling wid joy..her life's full of pain..but like me everytime i learnt dat she is seeing sum1 ...lolz and wenever i ask her abt her love life..her answer comes..love is not for me. She neva forgot me to add up nor she eva forgot to stop me wen i go on a leave..she has got wonderful ability to be wid all and every1 thinks she is jus for dem..

Roma
A bubbling gal..who is in such a pain dat u cant imagine..a perfect moral support for me..she is wonderful gal ..always helpo me to stay calm..helped me a lot in easing tension wid baneen...she is always supportive and helps me to understand wat a girl cud ask for and how to procure dat..she has a long stowie behind her...and she has always dis habit of helping me and i was neva dere in time of her need...she is da lovely gal to be wid and i pray to god dat plz help her easing her pain and give her a new hope to survive

list goes one

but rite now urge for brkfast is more..will continue it laters

I promised i wont write anything abt her...

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Question dat is making me sleepless for nights....

Why it's like dat..wenever i come to someone's life..dey loose something dere r severaal things dat needed to be confessed about the real me..

it started wid my fst love she was such a sweet gal we were the happymost boy n gal ..madly in love ..together... I still remember da fst day wen we actually talked a lot.. she was so excited.. dat sumday she will wear her mom's floral bridal dress..walk in da church.. holding her father hands..wid ever1's gaze at her.. and she really was lost in da dreams
wat happened I entered her life..i loved her madly..n wat happened her whole dream shattered..she still got her wedding dress n wedding bells..but she hated her fathers hand..she felt every1 is mocking at her..and wid dat kiss she felt her whole life got torn apart in front of her eyes. And she gave her life..and all i cud do was standing dere consoloing her on her wedding day..dat things are OK..she jus asked one thing in the end..I wanna die in ur arm..let my last sleep be in ur arms.. and here even i dint had da means to visit her resting in da eternal sleep.. No ...not the means..I dont had dis courage to go to her..fearing if I go dere n she ask me da ques..why i came to her life?..wat will i answer..

Dere's saloni..
who madly loves me...here i cant do anything coz she took birth afta me..aand i i was real happy to hav da doll in my hand..and i wud dress her up feed her..protect her..n i was jus like her second father..nurturing pampering n spoiling her..and den wen she asked me da ques..will i ever be wid her..and i answered her no..i felt like her whole world shattered dere..n how much pain I felt dat moment..finding my own baby crying for sumthing dat is in my hands and i cant give her..and here again da ques popped..if u dint had da means y i entered in her life..y i nurtured her..if i had to say no to her..

Dere's Amber,
She was so happy in her life..may be she was well in pretending her happiness..I entered her life n found da bittermost truth of her life..I consoled her..I gav her strength to think of the life ahead..and silently I withdrew myself..shattering her..nd da reason..dat i was not able to handle her..her comments pained me..she started carving for da attention..started to blur out her anger and frustration on me..nd i withdrew myself..and here she is asking why i came to her life..and i believe dat she hav strong wits nd i kno she will kill me one day..coz mm like every1 ..who supported her and den withdrew myself.


Dere's Nawaal
My cutest and dearest frnd..my best frnd ever..I was da one who she was reluctant to let in..and i entered in her life..and now wen she needs me..i cant talk to her..coz i really cant talk wid her..coz she is best frnd of amber..and she has dis same question..and i really feel dat her love life's failure was jus because..i withdrew myself at moment wen she needed me,, I helped her to start nd wen i was away it ended becoz she was finding herself helpless..Look I again left her alone and shattered...


Dere's Sara ..
She is very committed.and my most caring frnd N i firmly believe dat she cud had been more happier sans me..everyday i hurt her..n she neva left me..she dint deserved a bit to hear any of da things I told her..feel ..dat i carved her on wid da sharp knife..her happy go lucky to turn in life's full of nite mares..she lives in constant dilemma dat wat will happen to me..if she leaves..and dat aint helping her to live,...and i m clinging to her like a leech..sucking her blood out..I still remember da fst time she left me..and i was waiting for her aimlessly ..n wen she came back..she cudnt leave me..i became an addiction of her...Hey I forgot to tell..she is da best of the friends one can ever dream for...and really everyday we end up fiting and nex day we are frnds again...and really she cares for me alot..and in return I always gave her names..she has a diary wid her..in which she keep my names to her..jealous..meena..proudy..n all..but believe me.. she is the simplest of gal wid very big heart...and i really loved da way she called me tonite..and said sorry for a part dat really dint bothered me..dat she was sleepy and she put down da fone..and really it makes me smile nd m still smiling...


Dere's my son
Yup.. she aint my real son..but i neva felt like dat she aint my lil son, my blood..

I remember da fst day wen a yellow rose gal named dont bother..came to da comm..she was so happy..jubilant ..daring..lovely..sweet.. innocent..
And i entered her life..da fst thing she felt was dat m her sweet lil kid..whom she can neva part away..and wen she felt perplexed abt our relation..she left me..she came back again..n proudily says ki dont explain wat DD is to her..and how pure dere relation is..and one day i snatched her best frnd..she felt shattered..she left me for my own gud..coz she really cant see me all nroken up....she came back..and I kept clinging on her like her lil baby..but sumwhere she lost her best frnd in me..she cares for me..but today i got sure.m aint her best frnd..and dats y she searched it in another..she found too..and wen she left me last time..he helped her a lot..and now wen i returned back..out of jealousy n fear of loosing her over me..her newfound best frnd too got lost..n she was all crying..n i was hear hopelessly sitting n helpless..crying..and I kno I snatched her two best frnds..and da looted da trust over frndship.I made her so happy life..jus sad n sad n sad..all i cud do was to cling to her like a parasite..carving forher affection..
and in return..i was da reason she is loosing everything..and I kno she is defn asking dis ques..y DD y u came in my life..or may b not today..may be she uttered back already or will utter.. And look i entered her life n her whole life went in haywire


So dis is me..beware of me..all i can give is pain n suffereing..n Im really perplexed y cant sleep..may be dis ques ..dat m da omen in everyloved one's life..is banging me also too hard..and i m really afraid..wen myself will ask me y u came to ur own life