Reviving the old flame...

Not because I have ample of free time... that I do not have actually.... but I am feeling so guilty that my baby is lying here idle.. 

This is not the first blog break I took.. lately my blog has been more like a public platform to vent out my frustration...I still remember .. the first day I made this blog.. the purpose was to put on a comment on a blog that I searched out while surfing porn....Needless to say that blog imparted a huge impact in my life.. and I started writing..

There has been so many phases and so many affairs that this blog was made witness to... a phase of hopeless love.. a phase of betrayal .. a phase of PDA... and phases  of break up... apart from the phase of political awakening that I often do...

In between, there was a phase when I started earning from it.. made some 10,000 bucks from it too...but then like my usual self.. I got bored and I moved on...but now I am thinking of reviving this old flame..Sadly,  all the bloggers of my circle have moved away  or have stopped blogging altogether..Going to new blog and writing cheesy comments was never my forte..and I know if I don't do that.. I am not going to get any fan following... but then that is the beauty of writing a personal blog.. you just write whatever you like.. and you don't have to give a shit to who is reading it and who is not..
 

The blog is just for me to remember that these significant days were also there in my seemingly insignificant life....

Another thing....at last I read the 'My life story' by Arti di..this Saturday...The book is worth every penny spent on it.. I remember I recharged author's Airtel account to get the book :P .. but it was lying there for a long time.. 

Yes!! I know I am a moron.. but the purpose of buying that book was to support her new venture...but then thanks to Electricity department's load shedding.. I got time to dust the covers of the book...It was worth a read.. 111 pages.. 2 hours of complete bliss.. the book really made me spellbound ... It is written in such a lucid manner that I felt the story happening in front of me.. Believe me !! after reading it.. I was feeling so helpless that I am not able to help the character of the story as she is not real.....The struggle of a girl .. starting from betrayal to love and ending up in betrayal and love is simply awesome... However, the lack of vivid description of love making made me a little disappointed. Not because I love those scenes that I certainly do... but actually when some one reads a love story.. he need those to complete the feeling of reading love... The one character on which the whole story was revolving was not also used too well.. but then it is her first attempt and I am surely not making her compete with the likes of Eric Segal.... I hope, the  next time she comes up with a story.. she will keep these suggestions in her mind...

If you want you can buy the book .. You can visit her site... or buy directly from this link

Hmm!!! reading the post again.. I am feeling so alive.. this is my personal style.. it starts with something and ends up in something.. I guess I still haven't lost my touch...

I was wrong again....

You know the most funny thing about me is that I am mostly right.. Not because I have some intellectual mind.. but because I always calculate my moves for the right path and judgement...Almost all the time, I have heard the same thing that I do not let anyone come near me..May be ...but then I was never wrong in that....as people always tend to leave a scar.. not because they want to hurt you but they always want that you remember their importance.. I did the same to many now I am getting the same from the fate....But then.. I am a human.. I exposed myself just to feel human again ...and I  know myself .....I can reweave my web of protection...so that none can leave any scar....I allowed you and you did wonders there...but now I am going to close it again...It really hurts coz every time I build this web of protection..I lose a part of myself...and believe me I know I am to blame over here...

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

PS:  I know saying Goodbye hurts...but the day you wept for me.. you gave me enough of you to make you part of my life forever.....

The new phase...

Many of you didn't notice that this stupid blogger completed his 29 years of his existence and now living in the 30s of his life...

Like every birthday night I thought this birthday too my phone will be raining with messages and call... but remembered.. hey I haven't wished anyone any on his or her birthday too.. so after waiting till 2 AM.. I realized that I am actually happy because I haven't got any phony wishes...So I slept as I had a doc's appointment that day....So woke up at  7... had a bath and then thanked God for the beautiful 29 years of my life and prayed to make this year also a picture perfect....

But he always have a different plan for me....How can he let my life be so still like the damned algae infested ponds... so he raised that turmoil that surely changed my life forever...

In a moment.... I felt the whole world slipping away from my grasp....a life full of satisfaction and pleasure just turned into something that is beyond my understanding....

Now I have everyone in my life... yet I do not have anyone in my life anymore.. I am suddenly so empty that it feel like I am going to collapse from within.. there is so much emotional turmoil going on...yet I am all blank emotionally.....

Believe me!!! I did pray to him to make this year also a great one...

This emptiness and the feeling that I will be lonely for the rest of my miserable life whatever that is left is killing me softly.. But then I am not a person who believe in after life or life after that... this is the only one life I have got coz I don't remember any that I have got previously.....

The reason I am writing this .......... coz I know I am a stubborn emotionless person...and I want this post to remind me and only me that beneath this strong outer crust  I do have a soft core...as I know one day things will be not be same anymore... I am just afraid that this will happen soon...

I want to express myself so badly...but being a bullied kid...I developed this strong armor of  hollowness and 'Don't give a damn' attitude that is actually turning into me instead of protecting me. I want to cry... like I used to cry when I was a kid and friends and family used to tell me what a cry baby  I will be ....but now they know my outer shell only...they forgot the real me... they fell in love with that hard indestructible outer core.... not knowing that this is not me...and seeing me crying they just feel helpless..and eventually I get more helpless... a vicious circle....

Last few days were not good for me.. and I do not know what fate had in store for me... But I guess I have to start learning this new phase of my life before it starts taking its toll on me...

So Mr. Sourish Karmakar... welcome to 30s of your life.. welcome to this new phase......

Sachin's 100th 100...

A letter to Sachin Tendulkar!!!

Hats off to you Master Blaster!!!!

Sorry was Busy..so couldn't see your 100th 100 ... but anyways I totally loved the way you did your 100....

Thanks to the media!!! for not letting me miss the moment....

Do you believe what people are saying that you took 138 balls to get the 100 and that made India lose the match....and you need to retire??? How mean isn't??

BTW... I have different opinion....if India lost to Bangladesh...then it is a high time the Team India should quit playing altogether...Bangladesh???? It is a matter of utter disgust...

Anyways!!! Play whatever time you wanna play like...!!! After if India have starting losing to Bangladesh...then playing a 88 year old grandpa in the team will not do any worse....

But Anyways Congrats!!!!

yours once fan!!!

PS: : Letter is written in pure humor... I am sure hitting a ball with 4 inch wide bat is really a big work that Indian Cricketer's do for India....!!!! After all we all need someone who can represent the Ad brands...See even the Bangladesh team is celebrating that Sachin made 100th century!!! LOL

Writer's block

Sometimes you desperately want to write something, yet you can't..I so want to write something but I am not getting what to write about...

Anyways Budget session is on.!!! I guess I better go watch TV.... lol

Hey !!! do hear the song from Tere Naal.... Piya O re Piya..!!! Atif Aslam and Shreya Ghosal at their best.. :)

My mind is getting cramped up with I don't know what thoughts... Have you ever faced this or I am just going in depression ???

Me in Depression... LOL....What an irony of life...LOL...

Oh!!! I hate you... not particularly you... but I hate you all... LoL.. "I  AM getting in Depression".... Got to go and Smoke

C ya....

Oh!!! btw there was another gang rape in Delhi....Kudos to you Ms. Sheila Dikshit for making a Safe Delhi... Safe Delhi for Gang Rapists!!! LoL...Seriously!!! I am all fucked up right now...Blame it all to my writer's block..block of good for nothing writer's all around...lol....seriously gtg!!!

TC

Rockstar

No, I ain't gonna scream like Pink..singing... "I'm still a rockstar, I got my rock moves and I don't need you now..."
But I really love that song...it is the first time Pink really sang something so good....

Actually, I was thinking to write about my latest found love for romantic movies especially the movie "The rockstar"... I have realized one thing that for really appreciating a chick flick you need to be heartbroken...When you are in relationship, you end up comparing your life with the movie.. I know every boy want their loved on to go dead with some deadly disease ..so that he can cry on her deathbed..Weird!!! Isn't??? But I talked with many boys and all wanted their girl to be dead and dying after their ordeal with a chick flick...Sometimes they want to care for her while other times they actually wanted to care the dying hot chick of that chick flick.. ;-)

Many of you are getting my updates in your mail box (if you have subscribed to my feeds) and have started wondering " why the hell this guy is spamming up our mail box with some sheer stupid posts?"
Answer is " I don't know"...

Actually!! what I am nearly realizing that.. internet world is of losers only.... the guys and gals who are lonely...scramble up their image and move to internet world... sometimes they are here to find someone to talk to without actually getting judged by them...but most of the time.. it becomes.. I will only talk to you if you talk to me.. in Blogger world..it can be said as.. I will read your blog ..only if you read mine.... or in more shameless way... you will find a comment..."It is a wonderful post and I can connect to your post completely"..Now, how the hell you can connect all the time to my posts when I am in love and When I am here heartbroken.. ??? LoL..I know that actually means..."I increased your comment count..now come increase mine.."...

I just realized I have a habit of repeating the word "Actually" over and over again... lol...!!!

Coming to the point!!... recently my mind is so much cramped up with thoughts that I am getting suffocated...so I am here just to scratch all the thoughts from there to this page....

Anyways!!!

I was here to talk about Rockstar!!! but I ended up whining again...

I really loved that movie!! And I really love the sound tracks of the movie... I have never seen such a beautiful Musical classic in recent time... The movie is so well paced, well edited and well shot...that I ended up watching it twice in a same day...it is a rare phenomenon..coz I never watch the same movie back to back without fast forwarding it....The movie started with a boy who wants to be "Heartbroken" and ended up with the line " Please don't let my heart get broken".... and he actually got cheered up when he showed his middle finger...A really wonderful movie....!!! So do watch it if you haven't already....And AR Rehman.. you are simply awesome....!!! So you are Mohit Chauhan!! and you too Irshad Kamir... and yes !! Mr. Director Imtiaj and Ms . Editor Aarti.. you all are simply great..

O eco-friendly, nature ke rakshak, main bhi hoon nature
Rivaazon se, samaajhon se kyon
Tu kaate mujhe, kyun baante mujhse iss tarah
Kyun sach ka sabak sikhaaye, jab sach sunn bhi na paaye
Sach koi bole toh tu niyam kanoon bataaye
Tera darr, tera pyaar, teri waah, tu hi rakh (rakh saali)
Saadda haq, aithe rakh