I was wrong again....

You know the most funny thing about me is that I am mostly right.. Not because I have some intellectual mind.. but because I always calculate my moves for the right path and judgement...Almost all the time, I have heard the same thing that I do not let anyone come near me..May be ...but then I was never wrong in that....as people always tend to leave a scar.. not because they want to hurt you but they always want that you remember their importance.. I did the same to many now I am getting the same from the fate....But then.. I am a human.. I exposed myself just to feel human again ...and I  know myself .....I can reweave my web of protection...so that none can leave any scar....I allowed you and you did wonders there...but now I am going to close it again...It really hurts coz every time I build this web of protection..I lose a part of myself...and believe me I know I am to blame over here...

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

PS:  I know saying Goodbye hurts...but the day you wept for me.. you gave me enough of you to make you part of my life forever.....

The new phase...

Many of you didn't notice that this stupid blogger completed his 29 years of his existence and now living in the 30s of his life...

Like every birthday night I thought this birthday too my phone will be raining with messages and call... but remembered.. hey I haven't wished anyone any on his or her birthday too.. so after waiting till 2 AM.. I realized that I am actually happy because I haven't got any phony wishes...So I slept as I had a doc's appointment that day....So woke up at  7... had a bath and then thanked God for the beautiful 29 years of my life and prayed to make this year also a picture perfect....

But he always have a different plan for me....How can he let my life be so still like the damned algae infested ponds... so he raised that turmoil that surely changed my life forever...

In a moment.... I felt the whole world slipping away from my grasp....a life full of satisfaction and pleasure just turned into something that is beyond my understanding....

Now I have everyone in my life... yet I do not have anyone in my life anymore.. I am suddenly so empty that it feel like I am going to collapse from within.. there is so much emotional turmoil going on...yet I am all blank emotionally.....

Believe me!!! I did pray to him to make this year also a great one...

This emptiness and the feeling that I will be lonely for the rest of my miserable life whatever that is left is killing me softly.. But then I am not a person who believe in after life or life after that... this is the only one life I have got coz I don't remember any that I have got previously.....

The reason I am writing this .......... coz I know I am a stubborn emotionless person...and I want this post to remind me and only me that beneath this strong outer crust  I do have a soft core...as I know one day things will be not be same anymore... I am just afraid that this will happen soon...

I want to express myself so badly...but being a bullied kid...I developed this strong armor of  hollowness and 'Don't give a damn' attitude that is actually turning into me instead of protecting me. I want to cry... like I used to cry when I was a kid and friends and family used to tell me what a cry baby  I will be ....but now they know my outer shell only...they forgot the real me... they fell in love with that hard indestructible outer core.... not knowing that this is not me...and seeing me crying they just feel helpless..and eventually I get more helpless... a vicious circle....

Last few days were not good for me.. and I do not know what fate had in store for me... But I guess I have to start learning this new phase of my life before it starts taking its toll on me...

So Mr. Sourish Karmakar... welcome to 30s of your life.. welcome to this new phase......